Catching Up with My Mom

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The life you have left is a gift. Cherish it.My mom has been in the hospital for four days since writing this post.

I have had some of the best one-hour blocks of time that I have had in my recent memory with her.  No kids around to interrupt, no worries outside of the hospital bed and occasional interruption of a meal being delivered and a nurse checking blood pressure.  I have spent time talking with her, getting her thoughts down about life, finding out where stuff is, etc., during lunch hours and the hour after work for these past four days.

She looks great, given that she’s had two heart attacks in the past four days.  I have been given a gift of peace that I haven’t had before with her eventual and ever-nearing passing.

She feels it too.

So what’s different?

Why have I been blessed this way?

I wish I had the answer.  What I can tell you is my part of the story.

Proverbs 18:15

I got a phone call from the hospital on Friday morning and the person who called me told me “Your mom would like family to be around her right now.”

Did you feel the chill I did when you read that?

My first response was “Okay.  I’ll be right there.”

The next ten minutes were a blur of calling my brother, my husband, my boss, my father, and going to the bathroom (in that order) before locking my office and getting in the car.  I didn’t turn off the computer and I calmly drove the ten minutes that my office is from the hospital.

In those ten minutes that I drove to the hospital, I felt Christ himself with me, telling me it was going to be okay.

If you don’t believe in Christ, then I don’t know how you found this blog or why you are reading it now.  I’m not your preachin-it-to-you type, and I can give a list of blogs of other people I support and follow that can help you in that department.

But I know what I felt.

She was in the ER on the CPAP machine and the nurse was giving me the run-down of what happened and what the doctors’ said.  I pulled out the directive I have been working on with my mom last month and was able to give her directions very clearly to the doctor and nurse.  My mom signed her do-not-recesiuatate form (a DNR), and again, I was given a gift of peace that I could only get from the Lord – to know that it was going to be okay.

I’ve been working on this – this part of life I – nor my mother or brother or father want to work on – to get things ready. It’s only been a month since I’ve started, but I’ve been working on it. Maybe that’s why I’m being blessed now….

I’ve visited and read the bible to her, talked about my children with her, given her kisses, held her hand and told her she can stay with my family when she gets out.  She’s going to be in there a few more days, continuing to get dialysis, and no one has told me how much time she has left.  It’s because no one knows.

But I am at peace and there is no other feeling like it.

I may not “be ready” when she goes, but I am at peace because I know where she’s going.


Getting It Done, sort of…..

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Getting It Done

I haven’t posted about my 30-days of hustle experience for quite some time, as Easter has taken its place.

I got over the “dip” (a term I learned that happens when you are trying to accomplish a goal) in trying to finish my mother’s advanced directive.

We actually read and filled out four pages!
I am so grateful for this.  We got to the part of the directive that discussed medications, and we stopped because she didn’t want to think about it anymore.  Quite the win if you ask me.

I am grateful for this, Easter Sunday, where my mom and I were able to communicate clearly, talk about some deep stuff (as far as dealing with her eventual death) and get a piece of a goal done.

Yay!Romans 15:13 - Overflow with HopeHappy Resurrection Day too.



Day Two of “The Hustle” – Why?

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Gratitude-EmersonThe second day of hustle for me.  The question posed to the “hustlers” (I really do love that term) is “Why?”

Why are you doing what you’re doing?

Day2 - Why do I need to Hustle?  My mom has been sick for a long time.  This photo was taken in March of 2013 and it’s of me and my brother sitting next to our mom, as she received her very first dialysis treatment.

My "Why" I need to hustle...

Here it is as I write this, almost exactly one year later, I am trying to prepare for her eventual passing.

So in yesterday’s post, I described that my one goal for the next thirty days is to complete her advanced written directive.

I’ve learned so much about California law in the past couple weeks, thanks to unforeseen craziness on my mom’s side of the family.  I got to speak to a lawyer for the first time ever in my life and she informed me that because my parents are still married, even though they haven’t been together for 20+years (isn’t that a crazy part of life) that my father would be in charge of her final wishes if she was unable to communicate.

Before I continue, the facts you need to know are:

(1) My father is my children’s nanny and I see him every week day.

(2) My parents get along very well and see each other about three times a week because my father helps me with her needs (getting food, etc.) besides bringing her to my home to see her grandkids on non-dialysis days.

(3) My parents live in two separate places.

And (4) My mother is legally blind and is dying of congestive heart failure, kidney failure, and goes to dialysis three times a week.  She’s had both stints put in her arteries and open heart surgery.  One year ago, one doctor told us that she probably doesn’t have more than 5-years to live.

Why am I going to help my mom complete her advanced directive in the next 28-days:

My mom is dying.  The Lord knows when she is going to pass, but she doesn’t want my father to be the one to make decisions for her if she cannot communicate her wishes.

[Big sigh.]

Just writing that above sentence made the in-denial-monkey come back…..

But –

I am thankful, that this is the biggest thing I have to deal with right now.  Thank you Lord.