A Letter to My Mother

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IMG_6279[1]Dear mom,

It’s been a year since your passing.

I believe you’ve been able to see all the goings-on with your family as they bring joy, and I know there’s no tears in heaven.

Life without you has been very different, and you are very much missed.

My children all have photos of you in his/her respective rooms, something that they asked me to do after you passed, and although I wasn’t ready to look at your beautiful face in those photos, they wanted to do it everyday.

When I tuck them in bed each night it is I who am blessed to be able to look at those photos and recall the wisdom you passed onto me with your love – your unconditional love that I took for granted all the years I got to spend with you.

Thank you for teaching me everything I needed to know to “make it” in this world.

I won’t ever be able to demonstrate love like you and I can only hope to strive to be half the person you were with that gift you had.

There are bits and pieces of memories that flood back to me now and then, and even though I may shed a tear because I am no longer able to share more memories with you, the blessings I receive of memories bring me nothing but smiles, joy and hope.

I praise the Lord that somehow through Him you have been able to whisper things to me, including the fact that you are proud of me that I run and am taking care of myself.

Please continue to plead with the Lord to work on softening my father’s heart, as it has been through so much in the past year.

Thank you for continually praying for me and my brother when you were here.  I have no doubt that it was because of those prayers that I am able to write this letter to you today, and share with my family the wisdom, grace, and love that the Lord blesses me with that you passed onto me.

I will be forever grateful to the Lord that he chose you to be my mother, knowing that only you were the one that could pray for me and watch me do the things that I had to do (including mistakes) in order to be the person I am today.

I know I’ll be seeing you in the future, and as you prayed the same sentiments before me, I continue to pray your prayer that the long life ahead of me be filled with Christ-centered thoughts, love, hope and peace.

I love you and miss you,

D’Andra


Here is my mom’s tribute on You Tube.


Pregnancy and Loss Remembrance Day

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So, I’m on Instagram.

I follow chels819 and she’s the author of a blog called Starbucks, Peace and the Pursuit of a baby.

Her blog on the title of this post is here:

TrialsBringPeace.com

 She posted an Instagram post this morning that really tugged at my heart strings. October 15 - pregnancy loss awareness day

Here is her notes about the post –

Today is set aside to join together for ‘Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day’ – a day where people can find support in community, sharing and giving love despite the fact that all our circumstances may be very different. We offer support to those who understand what we have gone through by loss and we receive support from those who simply love and embrace us as observers in our story. We are so thankful for you all. My #blog has been updated with a special post about this day and the link is in the profile. To be clear, today isn’t about looking for pity or sad eyes or making anyone uncomfortable. It’s about embracing the love we have to give and share and remembering these little lives that were cut short and now get to spend time in heaven with their Creator. Too many suffer from this pain quietly. I’m here if you ever want to talk … or just have someone listen. You’re not alone and your lost little ones were so loved. I ask that today, between 7-8pm in your timezone, that you light a candle in your home and join in a world wide “wave of light” as we remember little ones lost from our own family or in honor of the families who have suffered. What a beautiful wave this creates across the globe and is incredibly touching. (DM me a picture of yours if you’d like, I would love to join in with a prayer and heart of gratitude as I remember our 2 miscarriages and 7 lost transferred embryos. Or if your profile is set to public, you’re welcome to tag me in it). Help us celebrate this special day … Give these babies and infants the honor they deserve and the love their families need.

#miscarriages #miscarriage #pregnancyloss #infantdeath #october15 #waveoflight #awareness #tearsandremembrance

I think the thing about my miscarriages that I want to get across to everyone that reads this post is this: I am not looking for sympathy or to make anyone uncomfortable.  That is so not me.

I would rather tell you something that is hard for me to fathom on most days.

Despite my miscarriages, I was blessed with three healthy, beautiful, perfect (to me) children.

Me.

I was blessed. pregnancy & loss awareness day

I remember when I was pregnant with my fifth child, my living daughter, I told my husband that I was done having children, especially if this one didn’t make it.  Thankfully she made it to full term and is now turning five really soon.

And then we were blessed with our third precious child whom I usually refer to as #mybaby or E.  He is our gift and still is.  I know the Lord has great things planned for him, as he does with my other children of course, but he is such a gift.

My posted picture on Instagram was planned in my head all day, taken by my husband.  I had a miscarriage before I had my oldest son, represented by the first candle.

My oldest son was 22-months old when I had a DNC for my third child, one whom I got to see the heartbeat and one that I will always hold in my heart.  That loss hurts the most.

The fourth baby was ectopic but thankfully I was spared from another surgery.  I was put on medication for almost four months before my body finally dispelled the pregnancy hormones in its entirety.  Those months were awful mentally and that miscarriage was the reason I didn’t want to keep trying.

As we took this photo, my children didn’t understand why we were taking it.  I told them I wanted to and they went with it.  Did I mention they were perfect?

My story: My life is full.

I have so much to be thankful for.  And yet, I will never forget my losses. 

You have hope. There is always hope.  My hope lies in Christ alone and I pray you know him and the joy he brings.

I look at those faces and will always believe with every fiber of my being there is a God and he loves me more than I love those children.

As I write this blog, mostly for my children to understand me when they are older, I pray my words will help others know that you are not alone.


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