Not knowing what the future holds…

...plans to give you hope and a future.I am a planner.

I love to plan things out from the simple “date night” to the one-year ahead Disney vacation.  (Everybody plans that out a year ahead right?)

I think the unknown just simply scares me.  There, I said it.

My mom went to the hospital today, with the whole diabetic, renal and congestive heart failure literally “typical” problems that all those ailments will cause.  It’s getting close.  It might be a year from now close, but it’s getting close.  All too soon for my “planning.”

I thankfully have the best husband in the world who supports me, and all traditional family crap aside, my father is there for me to take care of my kids and run errands as needed.

I have many issues with both my parents, many of them stemming from my relationship with my mother.  (At least that’s what a therapist told me once.)  But as we (as a family) approach the end of her life, I can’t help but crying and I can’t figure out why.  The only explanation I can think of – is that she is still my mother.

I believe I’ve been given a chance to plan.  She’s not gone yet, and I joked with her in a car ride recently that I don’t think she’s died because the Lord knows I need to have her funeral planned out first.  It really was a joke – but was it?

I am glad for this opportunity.  That much I know and feel.  I’ve still got her, and I have to take advantage of it.  Well, off to the hospital.  It’s going to be a long night.

 


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