After I wrote this post, I realized that it might speak to others as it did to me while I wrote it. Be assured that I wrote this blog post to myself, to get things off my chest, but if it speaks to you, more power to you as well.
“I am who I am.”
The Lord said this to Moses in Exodus 3:14 (NIV).
I’ve been reflecting on this for the last few days.
Moses asked the Lord what he was supposed to tell the Israelite’s when they questioned him about who he spoke to on the mountain.
How was Moses supposed to tell people who haven’t heard the Lord’s call that he was sent by the Lord himself?
I can’t even imagine what that must have felt like.
As you can potentially theorize, I have been questioning who I am lately.
The Lord never questions who He is. He’s the Lord. I get that.
I understand and know I am child of His. I understand that I was placed on this planet to serve Him.
But what about the in-between?
I figured out today that what I have been questioning about myself lately is not “who” but “what.”
What is it that makes up the person that I am?
That, is where I am struggling.
Aside from the truth that I know I am a child of the almighty king and that will never change –
I challenged myself to come up with a general list of things that I enjoy doing and of things that are important to me, that I can refer back to the next time I question what makes up this woman whom the Lord blesses on a daily basis.
- I am a wife.
- I am a mom.
- I am an Engineer.
- I am a crocheter.
- I am a crafter/maker.
- I am a sister.
- I am a daughter, niece, aunty, sister-in-law, daughter-in-law.
- I am a sister-in-Christ.
I typed those up just as they came to me. My therapist would probably tell me that I prioritize my life by this list.
It seems simple right?
But I have been questioning lately what SHOULD BE on that list.
Here’s the things I thought of next –
- I am a runner.
- I am blogger.
The second list is more telling of the things I want to be better at.
The first list makes me nervous. It forces me to analyze what I have been prioritizing in my life. My husband and I are “those people” who most friends don’t know how we do it all.
Quite frankly, I don’t know how we do it all except that we have more than our share of people who help us daily.
So what does all this mean to me and why am I posting such a random blog post about myself and my life?
Because of the title of this blog post –
The Changing of the Times of Life
My mom passed away this year.
I began a journey of self-discipline and pushing myself to complete running a half-marathon before I turn forty next year.
My “day job” description will be changing soon.
My children are growing up…. And the list could go on and on.
Supervisors have come and gone at work and rules have been set up as well as ideologies that I don’t necessarily agree with. As I spend about sixty percent (60%) of the waking hours of my day getting ready for work, driving to work and at work itself, it leaves approximately seven (7!) waking hours for everything else.
Work is a big part of my day.
Exercise and meal prep is a big part of my day.
Reading to my children, getting the next day prepped and hanging out with my husband (to do whatever grownups get to do together) are a big part of my day/evenings.
As I write this, I’ve convinced myself that it’s no wonder why I feel like I’m just-barely-making-it on a daily basis.
But is it really any different for anyone else?
I’ve made the choice to be in a high-stress job, that comes with the income and benefits as well as potential job ideologies that I don’t agree with. I know I can get another job and am choosing not too.
I’ve made the choice to live a healthy lifestyle (especially compared to how I used to eat) and to do meal prep and include exercise.
I choose to read to my children in the evenings rather than sit and crochet/craft or blog, and I choose to be with and talk with my husband about life after my children go to bed.
I choose to sleep for at least seven hours.
I watch one show a week for one hour a week and try to crochet when I get the chance literally midst making dinners, prepping lunches and cleaning up the tornadoes that happen with toys and clothes on a daily basis in my home.
I may not be in control of everything I’m involved in, but I’m in control of some things and this post is to help me remember what those things are despite the changing of the times in my life.
I also am who I am. I know because of the Lord I can handle it.
Whew. Glad I got that off my chest.