From October 31, 2013 through May 1, 2014 I have been getting physical fitness training from a personal trainer.
So some fun facts about me that you need to know before you continue reading:
I was a stress eater.
I have never thought of myself as fat, ever.
I am posting this blog post so that just that one person who can afford personal training but is not able to make that phone call or send that email will (hopefully) BE CONVINCED that you need to make that phone call or send that email.
Here’s my story –
This is a photo of my trainer Aaron and I in his gym, Synergy Studios.
I’ve lost 13-pounds in 6-months, gained 7-pounds of muscle, lost 3% body fat, and lost 2-jean sizes since I started.
What I’ve also gained is the capability to eat small portioned food I like (not all salad!) and the ability to enjoy exercise.
So before you read on, please go through this post as my personal testimony and that not all people are wired the same. I am extremely motivated by my own issues, the primary one being that I have to prove people-who-don’t-believe-in-me WRONG.
In October 2013, I had been having an ongoing discussion with my husband about getting healthy. “I am healthy!” I would yell at him. “You just want me to be thin!” Or so I thought.
In the previous year, my mother had become increasingly sick from her multiple ailments of diabetes, kidney failure, and congestive heart failure – all of which any one of those things will take her life one of these days. My husband and I had been “discussing” my health for at least the previous two months prior to me meeting with a personal trainer, and my husband had great sucess with his trainer in the same gym for the year prior to this heated discussion.
I wasn’t like my mother. Sure I was borderline diabetic, but I wasn’t there yet. I had gestational diabetes with all three children where I had to take insulin shots, but I had fantastic blood pressure and could still work and stay awake 16+ hours a day. I was constantly stressed out, but that was a given because I am a working mommy.
But my co-worker told me something from his unique, non-Christian perspective that I hadn’t thought of. He suggested that I get something out of going to the gym, other than the health aspect (something that I wasn’t interested in anyway.) My thoughts that day went straight to something I’ve wanted for years – to finish the tattoo on my back.
I called my husband back after cooling down and told him that if I lost 30-pounds, he has to support me (I would say allow, but that’s another discussion for another day) so that I can get my tattoo completed. He said “Okay.”
I now had incentive.
I now had a reason to lose weight and get this so-called “healthy.”
That was mid-October 2013.
Jump to May 2014.
My attitude has changed since then and I now have a new perspective and I GET this “healthy” thing now.
In my next post I talk about the six things I learned from my personal trainer that I know wouldn’t be as meaningful without him.
Don’t get me wrong – I know I have 17-more pounds to go to get my tattoo. But that’s just a bonus now.
I’m fitter than I ever have been. I can jog a 5K in 35-minutes, something that I never considered before let alone actually thought I could do it. I can say I ENJOY EXERCISE. That’s a big deal. It took five-months for me to say that.
The No. 1 thing I lost during this six month period was an attitude problem.
It was mid-month five, or the middle of March 2013. I had hit a huge stumbling block in my attitude towards this whole healthy-living thing that I had now taken on.
I saw the fat.
I saw the rolls.
I saw the imperfections.
This may not sound like a big deal to you, but to me, it was huge. I HAD NEVER SEEN IT BEFORE.
I’m not kidding.
I lost control of my emotions one evening after one of my first few trials of jogging. My trainer had challenged me to start walking for 30-minutes on off days (or days I didn’t meet with him) for the eventual task of not meeting with him three-times a week. I got bored of walking one day and started jogging, almost as a test to see how far I could go. As I started to jog, my thoughts of “not being thin enough” and “not being perfect enough” crept into my mind and I started jogging as if I were trying to run away from it. I went home exhausted, talking to my husband and not really understanding at the moment why these new issues were coming up.
I was looking at myself with a new perspective and one that was not the real me.
I kept telling myself that this is what everyone else saw. The old me never saw these things. I was no longer the proud, confident, literally perfect woman that I thought I was before.
My husband couldn’t help me get through this. He was too close to me and didn’t know what to say. He asked me to talk to my trainer Aaron.
It took two sessions with Aaron after my new understanding of myself to talk about my current issue with him. During the workout he always asked me how things were going and I normally told him they were good and somedays great. That one day I was able to share with him my new-found understanding of what everybody else must see that I never did before.
He did what he does best – ask questions to get to the bottom of the issue. We figured out together that because I saw myself as perfect before, that now I felt unperfect, unsatisfied and very unhappy.
He gave me some advice (and asked me to tell everyone that not everybody would get this same advice.)
He told me to print out a photo of myself before I lost the weight and look at it everyday. It was to remind me that I am still that same beautiful, wonderful, perfect woman that I always was. That photo is the very top photo in this blog post.
I look at it everyday and it reminds me of who I really am.
I truly love myself for who I am.
I am getting healthy not for myself, but for my family.
I get to dream about being healthy in my old age.
I will be there for my kids in 20-years and hope to be blessed as a grandma someday.
I will be able to travel as I age and able to keep up with my growing children.
I don’t want to be thin, I want to be healthy.
I got it now. I understand.
As much as I want to think that getting healthy is for me, it’s really not. That’s my case anyway.